When I feel misunderstood, or taken an advantage of on the emotional level, it becomes quite hard for me to stay connected with the “offender”.
It is so much easier to withdraw and PRETEND that it hasn’t happened and life goes on. I have mastered “I’M FINE” mask throughout my life, even when I was dying inside and I can tell you honestly that in the long run it does not serve me any longer. Every single time when I hold back my emotions it chips away from my soul.
You know when that is happening, when you are dwelling on it for days after, thinking to yourself what could happen differently, and nothing comes as an answer, but the Voice in your head, that YOU SHOULD’VE SAID IT THERE AND THEN! When you awake and aware of your own actions, you cannot hide from yourself any more. This is when YOU KNOW.
It is so much easier to be nice at the time, as why would I want to risk LOOKING GOOD (!?), when I can just disconnect afterwards?? Easy way out! Even if it costs you friendships, telling myself stories that those people violated me anyway and I don’t need them, when IN REALITY I could draw the line and take a stand for myself.
The answer to that is because, every time I do it, I feel violated in some way. It destroys my self respect and self worth, something that I have spent so many years building back from ashes!! It is very confronting to be facing own shadow like that, almost disgusting… but there is no where to run from self, no where to hide….
The moral of the story is: no matter how hard or late it is to take a stand for yourself- DO IT as your self worth and self respect only depends on how prepared YOU ARE to defend it, when others will try to test your boundaries.
ONLY YOU will wake up with own self every single day, make sure you like that version of self that you are waking up with every morning!
Have a blessed life, everyone XX